Thursday, December 18, 2008


Hey. Do I always use that word,

Nah, simply because I rarely enter that mood.

Its usually December these recent years I feel like that.

December, winter. In the northern hemisphere that is.

Winter can be happy, Winter can be sad.
Winter can be snow mans, Winter can be snow storms.
Winter can be Christmas, Winter can be always Winter when Christmas never comes.
Winter can be warm for those with homes, Winter can be freezing cold for the homeless.
In Malaysia, Winter can be rainy, Winter can be busy with people who have money in their hands to spent on gifts in shopping complexes.

Its the season of the year I feel, melancholic.
Especially when I'm alone for 10 hours a day.
I have no siblings, both my parents are out to work in the day, and Russ is no more around.
I feel like the song in Jay Chou's An Jing. Quiet.
Its 7 days now, I don't hold any hopes for Russ to appear at the gate barking for me to open the gate anymore.

For the past 7 days, every day, every hour I'm awake, I looked outside my window and glass doors to see whether there's a whitish-brown figure at the gate, whether I needed to press the auto gate button.

And in 7 days, I dreamt of Russ twice, appearing at the gate, wanting to come home.
Once, the night I knew he was missing; and yesterday night, the 7th night.
Night time dreams can be refreshing and inspirational to some extent (I do dream of nice scenes and new ideas), but dreams like that gives me false hope. I wake up with the situation I face yesterday. Now this isn't a dream. Russ is gone for good. The first Dog I had in my life, I had it for 8 years. And I know we could still be together for another 9 years. He's as strong as a healthy teenager. And he has no reason to run away because my next door neighbours love and take care of him as well.
Hope it wasn't a Dog Catcher/Shooter.

I stumbled upon this anime movie:

5 centimetres per second.

Watched a little before this, probably last year; but I decided to finish it yesterday.

It was kind of depressing, but that's how life is.
There's meeting and there's parting and things/people that are 'Not meant to be together'.
It wasn't a happy ending. And I have all the reason to be emo.
The background scenery was superb, especially for the second part: Cosmonaut.
The drawing fits the story very well, and I thought it was pretty well done.
Some may think its a boring show, but I think Makato Shinkai is a genius.

Now today going to Wendy's party elated my mood a bit.
Good food always makes happy. Especially ice creams and jellys.
And colourful patterns. And funny art. And happy songs. Instrumentals.
And xiao zhu's jokes and funny expressions. And friends around talking about funny events.
And America's funniest animals.
And my 2 turtles who got accidentally flushed down the toilet bown by my mum.
And my 6-hamster family who got heatstrokes because my dad complaint it was smelly in the kitchen that caused my mum to leave the cage under the shade outside the house (It's Malaysia, it's hot all year round except that it rains.)

And Russ singing and chewing his bones and dog biscuit and making a pathetic-I-Want-Food face and looking like a goat during bathing time and when catching cats and lizards and barking at a trapped rat and getting on a high moods after running in the rain and dapao-ing neighbours' leftover Char Siew Pau from the shop in plastic bags and greeting people in his style and doing his tricks and responding to the name Russ.

I feel bad now for neglecting him a little more each year because I was getting busy in school and my stuff. Just like how Akari did in the movie 10 promises to my dog.

Russ is gone. December. I feel lonelier than ever.

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