Wednesday, March 23, 2011

well hello again.
Been to work, with much lesser to do since the RI inspection yesterday in Orchard Central. The rest is up to ZR to finish up. I continue with my assigned project: drawings much neater, easier to be understood so I finished it up today. Will be visiting site with Mary soon :)

So. Since there was nothing to rush, I had a pretty sleepy day in the office. Morning coffee did not last more than 2 hours, to my dismay. I found out how to log into twitter, and since I had more time on this project, I discreetly opened a little window at the corner to read updates. Well Fann kept me accompanied with her stories, an hour or so in the morning. I wish life wasn't so mundane as it is now. I need excitement, whatever. Not the work adrenalin, for certain that is.

yet again, ZH thought us something about working in DP: brought us to the shopping mall via the fire escape door. We needed caffeine and sweets. Ha.

The only thing left for me to look forward for the day is the ensemble practice at night. Really, I love playing together. But I guess the situation brings me back to year 2's concert. I was all in a melancholy when we said our goodbyes. I knew that it'll be the last time I'll be little girl among the seniors' batch's section. The last time Caledyne/Hanshan/Valerie sits beside me, Samuel the CM in front of me, and WK behind me. I felt, secured, confidant.

Today was different. What I longed for and look forward to is that group of people whom I've been playing with for the past two years, and have taught me a good deal.

Not to brag, but I am currently the remaining player who was already playing in this section the previous year. And so I have a year of experience. But thanks to not being part of the committee, I am somehow left out. I am not significant enough, I think. I am pushed to the side. The comm automatically takes on the important seats. I automatically say yes and comply. I don't think I have a say. I am better but I don't have enough to wow people. Therefore I am just, there.

Well, the fun part was I got to play the cello in our unofficial quartet later on. First time! I love how the sound comes out and compliments the melody; such a different tone and voice compared to second violins and the inner v1 desks!

Seeing the situation, I really wish to transfer to another section. I look normal outside, but I'm actually unrest. Should I continue this ? I really wonder. I hate fighting for a position, but maybe that's how it works. It does not always works by merit, that I've realized.

3 options:

1. switching section- which I highly doubt they'll allow. They'll say that I am needed in my current section.

2. playing once in awhile as I wish, no more weekly. means i've more of less given up fighting for a better role in this section.

3. completely stop this and do something else. do they really want me back?

4. stay on in the same section and see how things goes. I might get what I want, I might not get what I want. And in the meantime, just bear with it.

I need some guidance.

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