Wednesday, February 09, 2011

Lost ++++

To think what's ahead of this is always quite a task, very alarming to take a peep at it, in fact.

I must confess, I have not done quite as well in my second year, and I don't like the feeling. There's no doubt that the world looks at your merits (taking bias out of the picture) and that failing isn't an option- although they forever tell you to take your failures as a stepping stone. Who ever remembers the runner up? I don't even know the partners of Rem Koolhaas' OMA. I only know Rem Koolhaas, because he's the guy that pioneered the firm.

So, what are my goals I want to achieve? You should know I'm not Miss Ambitious Career Woman. Every little bit of excellence always take me by surprise; and sometimes you feel guilty of all that that gives you a valuation. I am not worth my school results. Either better or worse, it does not reflect your whole being.

Its hard for me to find my talent; for I have my passions, but none that I find I'm distinctly good at. But how, how can the world function if everybody is exceptionally good at something in brains and skills; because who will take away the rubbish? Who will clean up the used plates? Who will be the one sweeping the streets? Who will twist a soft cone for you at the ice cream counter? Can everyone fly jet planes and conduct orchestras? Who will refuel your engines and built your concert halls?

Where am I standing? What's my coordinate in your masterplan?
Should I pursue this like most of the other people and stop when I need to, pursue it till the very end, or hop onto a mission ship and travel the world with no income?

Its terrifying to be lost in a blizzard, because you're lost in complete white in a monstrous weather; its also terrifying to be lost at sea, because the sea is terribly vast and you can't see the limits with a chance of drowning after you've used up your energy treading water. But maybe I can command the blizzard to stop. And I can walk on water.

When I grow up, I just want to be happy.

For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

1 comment:

chantal villegas said...

You still studying Archi?..
Saw your reply on my comment from here ( clicked your name (bloglink).. read some blogposts.

it's just always nice to find a kindred soul. yay!

Archi. Music. Servanthood. *insert other passions* yeah. It's pretty confusing. ah. why do we have to be so talented?.. hehe.

Architecture - it breaks and makes you in more ways than one.